She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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