I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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