so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
