when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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