Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
