He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
