The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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