i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
