His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
