I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
