so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize