Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
