I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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