Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
that is very illegal...i love you.
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