there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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