This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
