I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
