the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
