He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
