After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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