I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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