I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
