I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
