what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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