I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
