I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
