i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Randomize
