There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
