Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
So squirting runs in the family.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Success! We fucked roommates!
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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