she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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