I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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