shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize