After last night, I could never be a politician.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
