Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
