I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
