remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
