We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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