If i come over, it means nothing
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
last night I used snow as a chaser
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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