i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
