The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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