bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
