Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
