She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
