As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
