we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
