well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Randomize
