Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
