just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
