I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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