put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
