I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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