Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
