And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
