Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
