were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
