Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize