I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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