She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
