Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
