We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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