margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
