So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
