He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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