She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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