nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
And then my night got REAL pukey
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