I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
