i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
