rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
