i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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