cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
